Healing by Recognising the Stories You’ve Inherited and Internalised About Love

Love shapes us long before we can put words to it. From our earliest moments, we begin to absorb stories about what love is, what it looks like, who deserves it, and what we must do to receive it. These stories don’t come just from fairy tales or films—they’re woven through our families, cultures, and communities. Many of them are unconscious, yet they live in our nervous systems, influencing the way we relate to ourselves and others.

Healing begins when we pause long enough to ask: What are the stories about love that I inherited? And are they still serving me?

Maybe you grew up believing love had to be earned through achievement, obedience, or self-sacrifice. Perhaps you internalised that love was conditional—only given when you were “good,” quiet, or didn’t take up too much space. Some of us were taught that love always comes with pain, that we must abandon ourselves to be close to others, or that vulnerability is dangerous.

These stories shape our patterns. We might find ourselves in relationships where we overgive, shrink ourselves, or fear real intimacy. We may confuse control with care, or mistake chaos for passion. And because these patterns feel familiar, we call them love—even when they hurt.

But love, in its true form, doesn’t diminish us. It expands us. Real love makes room for authenticity, curiosity, and growth. And to move toward this kind of love, we must gently unearth and examine the narratives we carry.

This process is not about blame—it’s about awareness. Our caregivers, too, were shaped by their own inherited stories. Often, they gave what they had, based on what they were taught love was supposed to be. As we bring compassion to this process, we create space for new possibilities.

Begin by getting curious:

• What did love look like in your childhood home?
• What messages did you receive about needing to earn love or affection?
• What do you believe you must hide or suppress in order to be loved?
• How do you respond to love now—do you move toward it, run from it, or try to control it? Journaling, therapy, mindfulness practices, and somatic work can all support this inquiry. These tools help bring the unconscious into the light, where it can be met with kindness and choice.

As you start to unravel these stories, you’ll likely uncover grief—but also incredible liberation. When you realise that love doesn’t have to be painful, performative, or scarce, you begin to rewrite your internal narrative. You remember that love can be safe, abundant, and grounding. That you are lovable, simply because you exist.

Healing is not about becoming someone else. It’s about remembering who you were before the world told you who to be. By recognising and releasing the old stories, you create space for love that aligns with your truth—love that holds, uplifts, and restores.

And that kind of love changes everything.